You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
