I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
