you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
