so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
