Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
