I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
