Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm really busy with my period
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