Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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