Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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