I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
