Someone shit on the floor
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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