Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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