remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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