This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
