tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
