You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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