so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
