A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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