yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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