it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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