How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
