there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
