Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
NoShamevember. You game?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
