Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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