I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
