Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
