i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
