Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
