He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
