I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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