im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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