Plan B is the new Plan A
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
