16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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