fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
