Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
