Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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