Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize