Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
