i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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