i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
