I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
