Can i not drive my cunt home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
