I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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