just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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