sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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