end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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