So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
