I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
