You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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