I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
