I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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