So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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