C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
