WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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