you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So much rum. So many feels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
