If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
