this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
