she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
