i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
