Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
