So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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