Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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