Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
