Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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