So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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