i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
