I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
