ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
