oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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